Aug 21 1995

I, Chris Kawecki, this week, have been wondering about the nature of
"evaluation", especially as it relates to my personal education. I
though maybe you might be able to learn something from this little
description of what I've been thinking.
 
Our strategy for too long in this country has been to grade or
evaluate each performance, from Elementary school through college,
with a number of goals: 1) motivate the "kid" 2) track the "kid" --
ie, pigeonhole them into the classes that are "appropriate" for them
3) provide evidence of how well they have performed for admission to
the "next step" of their education 4) provide some good insights for
the student 5) record, for the student, where they were so they can
chart their progress. Some schools stress one aspect, some teachers
stress one aspect, some students are concerned about one aspect, etc.

So, I was observing how I accomplish these things, and how I would
like these goals to be accomplished for me. I was actually expecially
musing about K-12, but I think my observations are probably valuable
throughout the experience. 

First, the obvious stuff -> grades and evaluations don't motivate
me. I realize that this may not be true for everyone, but when I
looked through my file of grades and evaluations here at Hampshire
College, I saw a pattern where when the teacher thought I should do
one thing -- something that would give me a "better" evaluation -- and
I thought I should do another -- that was more appropriate to my
_education_ -- I consistently did precisely what I thought was
important to my education. "Chris needs to keep his feet on the ground
longer..." I think one evaluation read. These teachers are apparently
not able to motivate me in the direction they think is best (which is
the whole point of motivation). 

Second, track the kid -> Here, looking at my file, "the establishment"
has been equally ineffective. Far too many courses I shouldn't have
been permitted to enter because I didn't have the necessary
prerequisite evaluations or grades. Yet those courses don't seem to
have turned out all that bad... In fact, I often thrived in them! I
know that for many students the "tracking" keeps them in their place
-- but then, so often I see that those students who have been properly
kept in place are really out-of-place. The "tracking" has limited them
more than it has provided the right opportunity.

Third, provide evidence ... for admission to the "next step". Well,
let's assume that the goal of admissions offices is to find the
students who would mesh best with a particular institution. How much
do those "grades" or "Evaluations" help them? In fact, they may often
be slightly helpful, especially for students who never ever change,
and when one school is exactly like the last. Unfortunately, most
students I know change tremendously all the time! I know I do. Then we
have the certain problem that most teachers, despite their best
effort, do not understand their students. Here at Hampshire, they
often have a slightly better understanding; yet still, their comments,
when helpful, are far less important to really understanding the
student than the div 2/3 evaluations are, because there the committee
has a much fuller relationship to the student.

Fourth, provide some good insights for the student. Sometimes this
happens, with evaluations, sometimes not... some of my best "insights
from evaluations" have been in "unofficial evaluations" -- one from
Greg Prince, who gave me an "official evaluation" and an "unofficial
evaluation" and one from Herb Bernstein, who gave me only an
"unofficial evauation" (officially, I didn't pass).

Fifth, record for the student where they were so that they can chart
their progress -- see how they've developed, and see what kind of a
person they might be. To some degree, this happens. Sometimes more,
sometimes less. For me, it's often simply the allusions that I
understand from the evaluation, or the experiences I remember
associated with a class, but indeed sometimes the evaluation helps
some. 

One thing I am obviously interested in is getting rid of the notion of
"experts". I don't think teachers as "expert evaluators" are
particularly helpful to me. Sometimes they are -- especially in
rewarding conversations. But when they write an evaluation of grade
me? Are they any more expert than I would be, or than my committee
chair would be, when looking back onto that material two years later?
My experience says rarely. So let me propose my alternative. 

During Christmas break of my first year here at Hampshire, I put
together portfolios of everything I could find that I'd ever written
or done. Unfortunately, much of what I'd written before high school
was lost, but my computer disks from high-school still held most of my
writing there. And I certainly had my letters (though none of the ones
I'd handwritten, of course...) I put them together into big,
three-ring binders. Included were suprising amounts of random
journal-type writing I'd done in high-school, often on the computer --
poetry or simple reflections; drawings, etc. A portfolio, organized
not by subject material, not for an evaluator, but a chronological
portfolio of who I have been and what I have done. 

These days I keep a pile of things to add to my binders. Some binders
actually are organized slightly by subject -- I had one for all my
poetry from high-school, and one holds all the letters my father has
written me. But for the most part, there are two binders now -- one
for letters I receive, and one for everything I write and do. When I
write particularly important letters, I often photocopy them and
included them in my binder. I put all my journal-writing into my
binders. I personally let anyone read anything they want in my
binders, though the material is often very personal -- but that's just
the kind of person I am. Others would inevitably organize their own in
their own way with their own "permissions". Every two months or so, I
take the pile of stuff "to add", and it finds its way into the
binders. I know there's still a lot of stuff that I miss, that goes
directly into the trash heap. And there's certainly email, where I do
a tremendous amount of writing and thinking (plus this page here!) So
it's far from complete! But when I look at my binders, I can tell such
a tremendous amount about myself. I can see how I've grown; I can see
how I have learned to write. I can laugh at some of the things I used
to think (and at some of the observations I made about myself) -- I
can see the origination of some of my thoughts (and I thought I just
thought them up right now! -- sorry, they've been there waiting for
years, and now they have just the opportunity to pop up again) I
remember who I was. 

I sit down on my bed with a big glass of nourishment and a binder, and
I learn so much. My confidence has grown tremendously through seeing
how I've grown, the things that no longer plague me.

Every now and then, Bob and I (we made our first binders together) get
together and look through them together. It was less than three years
ago... yet I can see myself go through so many distinct ways of
thinking and being.   

I wish I'd started keeping this stuff earlier -- or that my parents
had fetched it from my garbage in case I wanted it some day. Because
of course who I am is still so much a product of who I was between
5-13 years old as it is betwwen 13-20, perhaps even moreso (though
partly I can look to photo albums for that) 

So, the way it turns out, (1) I really don't need the motivation
grades seem to want to provide for me. They in fact probably hurt my
motivation, and if I payed more attention to them or the teachers'
ideas, I'd probably have more of a problem being able to do things _I_
think I should do. (2) I've found that I've never really benefited
from being properly tracked. I've been forced into the wrong classes,
and forced myself into the right ones. (3) Well, I think that so far,
my interviews and essays have really shown who I am. Maybe for places
like MIT, grades would have really shown whether I was the right
material? I doubt it. Would spending an hour with an admissions
officer with my binders really show them who I was better than those
evaluations I've received -- YES!! (4) I have yet to receive an
insightful grade, and as I've mentioned, the "official" evaluations
have been rather uninsightful, the only two "evaluations" that had any
insight were two non-evaluations, more letters than evaluations. (5)
The evaluations have a slight effect of helping me see who I have been
and who I am, but the incredible tool my binders have become to this
end is perhaps the best help of the binders. 

I view my education as a part of my life -- not one that starts and
stops with the semesters and not one that has different subjects. It's
about me, it's every day. (sometimes this unfortunately has the effect
that I judge myself on educational productivity when I ought to be
chilling out). My letters and manifestoes (like this) are as much a
part of my education as what I might do in a class -- often even more
important, because here they are really about what is important to me,
rather than about what someone else might think is important to me. I
don't take many classes -- this past year I've taken 3 total -- but
when I do, I bend them and twist them to fit my needs as Chris
Kawecki, not what Joanna Hubbs thinks I need. I bend them and twist
them, and I don't let anyone put evaluation in the way of my education.

If you see a third-graders story, next to what they wrote in second
and first grade, you know, and they know, that that third-grader can
chart his own progress by looking and seeing what he's written. He can
see how he's grown himself. He doesn't need an authority to tell him!
I feel like I owe it to little people to give them this respect --
they deserve it, and if they aren't given it, they'll have that much
more trouble ever being able to think for themself, about themself, or
-- frankly -- at all. In the same way, I owe it to the older people
(like me) or the really old people (like Dad). 

I value my conversations with my parents, friends, advisors
tremendously. I value their letters tremendously. When I have a
meeting with my advisor, I try to write about it so that I won't
forget it. The same goes with other folks. Often, I don't get the
opprtunuity, and the experiences and ideas filter into my
brain. Someday, they will perhaps emerge, when the world or me is
ready for them again.

As a credentialing device, I am not against division 2 and 3
evaluations, and I of course plan to include them in my binder,
too. But it is my letters, my conversations, my writing, thoughts
about the books I've read -- it is these things that really make up
who I am. 

My goal in life is not to have a fat binder. My goal in life is not to
have an intersting binder. My goal in life has nothing to do with my
binder. My goal in life is to be happy, to help other people in the
world. In order to do that, I have chosen to make my friends very
important to me. I have chosen to go to a college. I have chosen to
take leave this semester. I have chosen to keep a binder. I have
chosen to probably have children. I have chosen to really make a
tremendous effort to learn about myself, other people, our world. I
have made these choices, and I am continuing to pursue my goals. I
don't let "evaluation" get in the way of my life. I remember what my
life is about. It's taken my a really long time to get here, but I'm
very, very pleased with this new perspective. And yes of course it's
still evolving! 

I consider the inherent values of institutions and decide to what
degree I will choose to participate. If this is right for you, I think
you can too. Don't do it my way -- that's right for me -- do it your
way. These are just some hopefully-not-too-righteous ideas I thought
of about myself, and I put them here in case they might help you.