The Trip to Grandma and Grandma's by Peter Christopher March, 2002

Susie's Grandma and Grandpa lived in what Susie's mom called a "custom" home and drove what she called "custom" cars. Susie's Grandma and Grandpa lived in Vermont.

Vermont was a half-day's drive from Susie and her parents. Susie's Mom always used to say it was to just the right distance from Grandma and Grandpa. When Susie was just a little girl, she wished her family lived closer to Grandma and Grandpa. But Susie was twelve, and she was now glad that Grandma and Grandpa lived all the way up in Vermont. It wasn't that Grandma and Grandpa didn't love her, or didn't love life. Susie knew they loved her and loved life. Grandma and Grandpa just loved life differently than most people.

Susie was an only child. Her parents used to take her up to Grandpa and Grandpa's house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. This trip was for Thanksgiving.

Susie's Mom explained the plan. "OK, we'll pick them up, then we'll go drive them to the Splendid Americano for Thanksgiving dinner, we'll drive them back home, and then we'll drive home. Got it?"

"Got it," Susie said.

"Got it," Susie's Dad said.

On the drive, Susie's Mom never forgot to mention that when she grew up with Grandma and Grandpa in New Jersey, that they were more normal. She said that their quirks had just started to appear once they moved to Vermont. But the idea of Grandma and Grandpa ever having been normal didn't come naturally to Susie. It is easy to understand why.

The first ritual at Grandma and Grandpa's house was always parking. Grandma and Grandpa had a driveway designed to park two cars, but it was always full. Half the driveway was full because Grandpa had gotten a load of topsoil delivered to fill in some holes in the front yard when they bought the house. That was the same year Susie was born. Grandpa always said he was just about getting around to spreading it out on the yard. It had a tree growing in it about as old as Susie but twice as tall. The other half of the driveway was occupied by an old yellow F-100. Grandpa said the only problem with that truck was a broken fuel pump. But temporarily until he fixed the fuel pump, he had been using the bed and the cab to store bags of trash, and he had also temporarily removed the steering wheel, the driver's side door, and all four wheels for use on his other truck. Grandpa, of course, parked his "working" truck on the front lawn.

Susie's parents drove right by the Grandparent's house, just barely slowing down. "Well, nothings changed here!" Susie's mother said, shaking her head.

"Looks like we'll have to go park up the road again," Susie's father said.

After parking, Susie and her parents walked back to the Grandma and Grandpa's house. They walked around back to one of the many back doors. The house itself looked small from the street, a delapitated one-story ranch. In back it was a different story. Grandpa had engineered a scheme to connect the original house with mobile homes he bought at auction. Susie was amazed because every year, Grandpa had figured out how to connect one more mobile home the ever-growing structure.

"More Dominoes!" Susie said.

"It's OK, relax," Susie's Mom whispered to herself.

"I'm not saying anything," Susie's Dad muttered.

Then they all went in the door.

"Hello!" Susie's Mom shouted. At first, there was no response. Grandma's dog appeared and said "Yip!" Then it ran back the way it came. Susie's Mom followed the dog, and Susie and Susie's Dad were close behind. The dog led them through the chain of mobile homes, twisting left and right past stacks of newspapers, broken toys, appliances. Eventually, the sound of a TV signaled that they were close to Grandma and Grandpa.

There were actually two TVs on, both playing TV shows side by side, from two VCRs one on top of the other. They were watching This Old House on one TV and Motor Week on the other TV.

"Hi everybody, Hey Guess what?" Grandma said. "We were just watching this great show on installing wallpaper. We're going to redo the whole house with this new wallpaper Granpa just bought at auction!"

"Hey folks!" Grandpa said at the same time. "We were just watching this great show on custom installation of new turbo units. We're going to upgrade my Ford with a new turbo."

Susie could hardly keep track of what they were saying.

"I'm hungry!" Grandma and Grandpa both shouted out at once. They looked at each other and laughed. Susie shook her head and didn't laugh.

"Let's take my truck! I've just installed some new parts!" Grandpa said.

"Let's not," Susie's Mom said.

When they got outside and had walked to the front of the house, Grandpa stopped walking and pointed to his truck, "Hey, it's looking good, whaddya think of the new gas tank?"

Susie assumed he was talking about the red, five-gallon gas can Grandpa had strapped to the hood of the car. There was a hose running from the gas can through a hole in the hood down into the engine compartment. "Grandpa, even I know that's dangerous."

"Hey hey, little lady," Grandpa replied, "You know your grandpa wouldn't put his princess in danger, don't you!" Grandpa looked at Grandma and they both started laughing again.

Susie's Mom smiled and started walking again, out to the road and towards where Susie's Dad had parked the car. Everybody else followed and piled in.

"Susie," Grandpa said, "Whatever your mother says, you've got to take a lesson from us. You've got to always keep maintaining your cars, and you've got to always keep maintaining your house. You should never let them get run-down. Like the speakers in this car, for instance, I could really do a job of upgrading these things. You can hardly hear anything. You just let me know, Daughter Dear! Oh yessir, I could do a job on them!"

"I bet you could," Susie's Mom said. "Too bad we're headed back home after dinner!"

"Dad," Susie said, leaning forward towards the front of the car, "Are you and Mom going to be like Grandma and Grandpa when you're they're age?"

Susie's Dad started to chuckle.

"Well, honey, you know how I love those custom homes," he said. "And I have always been dreaming about living in Vermont."

Susie wasn't sure whether he was joking or whether he really was going crazy.

Luckily, she decided not to ask.